Aimless: Snailing My Way Through Vanuatu
VANUATU
I had nowhere to be, nothing I was ‘supposed to do’, and somehow, even though I know that sounded enticing, today, it confused me. The smartphone meteorologists made no mention of the many moments of drizzle to outright downpour that intermittently interrupted the skies, yet in this sunless (read: suboptimal) scenario, I tried to see the beauty of the concentric circles and shapes of raindrops in the pool.
Planned as a ‘chill day’ anyhow, I wondered why I couldn’t settle into that simple sentiment.
Rousing from random dreams (clearly, a ‘clear out’ of my subconscious), I snailed my way through making breakfast - baby bananas, half a delightful grapefruit, a juicy fleshy mango and pancakes paired with coffee made in a French press (finally!). With a picturesque view of various sizes, styles and slants of palm trees straight ahead and a private pool to my left, it seemed dreamy indeed. My insides though were in a different gear, and it just wasn’t wanting to get out of first!
I wondered if it was the overdrive of life. When we give ourselves the space to sit and feel without an agenda or the pressures of packed plans, is that when the body says no and our minds untangle?
Perhaps, or maybe not. Today was not the day to deep dive into the details of discombobulation. Instead, it was a day to be aimless.
Motivated to mobilize only to secure my next meal, I sported a light rain shell and joggers, ignoring the colourful umbrella as I headed down the back trail to the local one-stop-shop convenience store.
Sidestepping the simple plan to pick up goods and U-turn right back home, I found my feet suddenly leading leftward down the main road in search of the closest restaurant, K2. As I side-stepped puddle and pothole, I glanced at the looming cloud above and muttered to myself. But, the quiet of my mind seemed unwilling to engage in the rationale rumble that I could hear within me, raising the alert of the uncertainty I was heading towards. Vehicles whizzed by while my flip flops found the barely visible footpath alternating on either side of the street. Soon, sprinkles turned into showers and though I hadn’t intended on eating out, I kept on. Unclear about this venture, my body moved ahead unperturbed.
Is this how we behave as we #adult? One foot in front of the other, sometimes motivated and on a mission and at others, just managing movement regardless of the MO…
And just as I grappled with this, in my periphery, I saw him hiding under a tree. He looked as surprised as I was to see him - which was odd since he was facing me - perhaps the local wondered why I chose to wander in the same way as he, when clearly I had alternative options that likely were unavailable to him. He flashed a smile, wide and genuine with as much of his eyes as his lips. It was so bright and stark, like turning on a light switch in a dark room.
While I still had no clue why I walked on by, I returned the emotion with a similar gusto, just as some part inside of me secretly soothed a ‘see, that’s why you’re here’ sentiment.
The cars, all of them, were so polite. They slowed and steered clear of the handsome puddles that would have further doused an already very wet me. One was kind enough to drive me the rest of the way to K2, where, a few minutes later, I turned back on my heels to head homeward. The restaurant had closed though music seemed to give company to the hipster inside. It enhanced the scene with the rain, or vice versa - one was an instrument to the other.
It seemed like an insta moment - but that thought was quickly replaced with, ‘wow, how beautiful is nature?’
A tepid humid draft accompanied me back. I welcomed it as my outer shells started to respond, quick drying themselves. More comfy now, knowing that I was on my return journey, I settled into the sites. (Is this how it feels when we direct ourselves Home?) I peered at the potholes that punctuated the path. One resembled the Drumstick ice-cream, while another two seemed to be the pair of the road. Popping against the dark, today, these shades of gravel moved from mundane to honourable mention in my mind.
I was now paying attention to details I’d previously been oblivious to, noticing the droplets as the sun started to peek her way back into play. The interplay between source and reflection reminded me of the mystical mentions that encourage us to discern between that which seems versus that which is Real.
Wouldn’t it be the ultimate surrender experiment then, to allow Life’s flow to be in our driver’s seat?
The rain paused, but worked its charm: it was like nature was bejeweled! Flowers and plain-Jane leaves took on a elegance that gave me a run for my money as I tried to count the glittering goblets.
From the time I went off being completely missionless till I returned, the local ladies still sat under their makeshift tent, looking to sell their ‘beef and cassava’ concoction, flowers and red mystery drinks.
Reminded by my belly, I excused myself after some cursory connections and contended with the limited offerings of the nearby store. I missed the butcher today, so from shelves of suitcases, sweaters and steel wool to boxers, canned goods and instant noodles, I picked out some random items that might assuage my belly.
I’m not sure where the day has gone, but with every spoonful of roasted goose pasta I imbibe, I’ve accepted the aimlessness, even as Vanuatu has so much to offer me. In this moment, I focus on the Himalayan pink salt, the few flavours of fresh garlic and onion, the pineapple juice in a wine glass, the plate that seems perfect for this dish and the place that I’m in literally and figuratively at this very moment.
May we embrace the aims and aimlessness as they come, lessons in hand,