Multigenerational Friendships: Included Across Time in Auckland
NEW ZEALAND
It all started with a phone call. All those years ago, that’s all it took to have my life collide with the nebula of theirs. So I was thrilled to return to Auckland, to see the folks who’d serendipitously and circumstantially become my friends. When I’d visited ANZ the first time, I’d crafted elective time in my medical residency to work with and learn from the Aborigines and Maori. Keen for community connection, I made a cold call, not knowing that once I hung up, I’d be whisked into a world of wonderful people. That’s how it all began - strangers became like extended family for several weeks, so many seasons ago. Landing back in Auckland, Jasmine’s family adopted me yet again. Laughing and lounging, we squinted into the past to pull out the memories in our minds while making new ones.
Like last time, her tribe quickly welcomed me in a way that was so wholesome - and incredibly unique. As it turns out, Jasmine’s clan has clung together as a crew because their parents were all friends and now, their kiddos are also besties - that’s three generations of friend circles!
Can we imagine that our friends today could’ve been a direct result of our parents choice of companions and that who we hang out with today could determine who our children will play with?
Multigenerational friendship like this seemed like a blessing of big proportions that not many may experience. Last time I met them, this crew was just crystalizing. This time, I was introduced to the full entourage inclusive of kids, parents and in-laws, everyone was always invited. For them, Saturdays was a weekly ritual for aeons and in the pre-children era, several weekdays were too. It was taken for granted, tacit, totally and predictably that they would eat together at least once a week. This soon meant that playing games, going out, road trips and milestones would also be shared, but they were together too through trials and tough times, no doubt.
In a world where WIIFM (what’s in it for me) and the individual’s cause seems to supersede, I saw these four people create a world where their nuclear families were included invitees for all aspects of their lives. Seeing respect stem from and overflow back to the generations which preceded them warmed my insides. It was evident in all the simple things that this crew would do for one another, regardless of generation. I attended a wee one’s birthday and saw all hands on deck to pick up the balloons, arrange the catering, coordinate the last minute run for the sparkly candle and more. Through it all and regardless of relation, everyone acted like this was their son’s birthday.
If solidarity existed such that we’d cradle our crew, but also that of those that come before and after us, how would the highs and heaviness of our hearts be held then?
When I shared my admiration for this web they’ve woven, Jasmine told me of a time that showed how interchangeably they treated each other’s kids. Years ago, her friend held her newborn for eight hours so she could cook for his child’s party. The ability to religiously rely on this reciprocal give and take through life’s ebbs and flows was something I wished for everyone.
Luckily, not all parties require that much investment. For this one, we cut some golden kiwis, took the Shrink-wrap off and then played Rummikub late into the night. There’s been much fun (and food) in these few days. We savoured fancy breakfasts at home and hit-the-spot coffees, then went to hole in the wall establishments that have seen this crew journey through the various ages and stages of their life, followed by more yummy dinners and dessert and yes, we fit in jet skiing too!
I’ve been many times, but I think this was my debut in the driver’s seat. I started slowly and softly, shifting my weight on the jet ski and guestimated the gestures needed to keep us from capsizing. Dry and alive, the crew cheered me on to hit the seas solo. I went out thrice and each time the speedometer climbed, so too did my trepidation. How interesting the parallels in life and play; letting go a bit on the gas gave me the reassurance of the world below me, and maybe even let me go higher, faster, farther … Note to self. Just before the sun slid away into a backdrop of picturesque clouds, I hit my max at 62km/hour! Though the teen held the top record, my second place finish seemed impressive enough.
As I cut the engine and glided back to the shore, I saw them all standing side by side in support. Peace and gratitude rippled through me as I climbed off the jet ski, knowing and feeling a sense of belonging with this clan that was mine, even if it was just for this slice of time.
May we have friendships that span vertically in time and horizontally in place, space and depth,